welcome to my website

Greetings, human user of the internet tubes!
You're now viewing my very own "website" - created for me by the magical beings that live inside the house I live near. Apparently it's for picking up women and making money. As I could use neither, I'm not entirely sure why you're here. But perhaps you bring something useful? Like potting soil? Or fertilizer?

Regardless, welcome. And since I always treat my guests well, let me guide you to some common destinations:

I very much hope that your time here is fruitful. And if it is, you need only give me half of all the fruit that you find.